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10 Sex Tips for the Best Action You’ve Ever Gotten – How to be best in bed.

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When it comes to knowing what makes your partner tick in the bedroom, tutorials on “mind-blowing sex positions” only get you so far. Stimulating and gratifying sex is all in the timing, the communication, and spontaneity, according to Dr. Bea Jaffrey—a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist based in Switzerland—and Mary Jo Rapini, a Houston-based psychiatrist and sex therapist. Keep scrolling to find expert suggestions from Rapini on what works in the bedroom and tips from Jaffrey’s new book on overcoming common sex issues, 159 Mistakes Couples Make in the Bedroom.

1. Tell Him What Turns You On

Research suggests that better communication is key to better sex, and no, we don’t necessarily mean dirty talk. Communicating what you like and don’t like can be instructional and informative as you get to know each other’s bodies. If he’s doing something you like, say so rather than relying on ambiguous gestures or noises. And if it’s something you’re not into, communicate that or guide him in a new direction. Want to try a different angle? Suggest one. If simultaneous orgasm is your goal and you’re close to climaxing, don’t be mum about it.

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2. Don’t Underestimate the Power of Praise

In a 2016 study published in the Journal of Sex Research, researchers analyzed answers from 39,000 heterosexual couples that were married or cohabiting for over three years. Sexual satisfaction reported to be higher among the couples who revealed that they gave each other positive affirmation during sex and were open enough about embarrassing moments during sex to joke about them and move on. Dr. Jaffrey notes that this lighthearted approach to sex is key, saying, “Don’t take life too seriously. Happy couples laugh together.”

3. Keep Things Spontaneous

Even great sex can start to feel monotonous over time if it’s more or less the same old routine. To mix things up, Marie Claire’s guy expert Lodro Rinzler suggests that “if you’re in bed with someone and have a sense of something new you or your partner might enjoy, be it some teasing, a change in position, anything…go for it. Men love it when women are spontaneous and confident in their ability in bed.”

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Dr. Jaffrey also recommends switching up the time and place to avoid falling into a rut of once-a-week “duty sex.” “Try new places to have sex, maybe on the sofa, in the car or on the kitchen countertops? Or how about the back row of a movie theater? Be careful though because sex is illegal in public places. Try role-playing…take a bath together. Be inventive, have fun.”

4. Think of Foreplay as a Long-Term Act

Jaffrey notes that setting the mood for sex is vital, for women especially, and that foreplay should start long before sex even begins: “I am talking here about the mental foreplay that happens days in advance, not the one that you have just before sex. Make sure to be attentive to your partner. Small gestures and nice comments are significant to setting the right mood for sex.” She also suggests keeping up communication during the day through texts or emails.

5. Exercise and Don’t Skimp on the D (the *Vitamin* D)

If anyone doubted the power of exercise, there’s a good chance the Class Pass subscription you passed up this year is affecting your sex drive. “Exercise improves circulation in the body, and that includes the blood flow to your genital area, consequently increasing the desire and lifting your mood”. We’re sure those endorphins don’t hurt.

And as for those of us city dwellers lacking in vitamin D? “Even during the summer, we don’t get enough vitamin D because we’re scared of the UV rays causing us skin cancer and premature aging,” says Dr. Jaffrey. “Though too much sun can be damaging to the skin, Vitamin D is essential for estrogen production in women and testosterone production in men. It boosts your libido so if you feel friskier during the summer, this is the reason.” Our pressing spring fever questions answered? We think yes.

6. Go for Morning Sex or Afternoon Delight

Dr. Jaffrey notes in her new book that a major reason for mismatched desire between couples is the way men and women handle stress during the week. Men, she says, see sex as a stress reliever while women want to have sex after they’ve had time to unwind. As a result, women tend to go to bed exhausted, their minds focused on preparing for the next day.

Her solution? “A better alternative is to have sex in the morning. Set the alarm 30 minutes before your usual time and see what happens. Men’s testosterone levels peak in the morning so you might be pleasantly surprised…Another alternative would be to have afternoon sex on weekends. Interestingly enough, women tend to ovulate in the afternoon, meaning that the optimal hormone level for female sexual desire happens at that time.”

“Men see sex as a stress reliever while women want to have sex after they’ve had time to unwind.”

7. Expand Your Vocabulary

The power of sexy banter in the bedroom gets underplayed, but it can be a serious mood-enhancer when you’re trying to liven things up together. Going about that, however, isn’t the easiest for people who aren’t used to actually vocalizing 50 Shades-esque fantasies. “What my [clients] benefit the most from is when they go to a bookstore or they go online and they find an erotic book,” says Rapini. She suggests that couples read from erotic books together, especially if they want to work on developing a “dirty talk” vocabulary that gives them the language cues without feeling self-conscious.Reading off scripts, she says, never works as well as if couples find a book they really like together and can build off of that jargon.

8. Experiment with Toys and Props

One way that Rapini counsels long-term couples on how to explore the unknown to enhance their sexual experience is to try shopping for products and toys together. That could mean anything from couples’ vibrators (she recommends the remote-controlled Fiera) to massage oils to body paint to blindfolds, though Rapini says another way to set the scene is to try adding music as sexy background noise. “Make massage part of your routine and start touching each other. Many couples will start feeling their libido rise after they do that,” she says.

9. Do Chores Together

Sure, as trivial as it sounds, doing housework together not only makes you better roommates that are less likely to blow up over a stack of dishes, but also helps couples have more satisfying sex. According to a 2016 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, sharing household duties encourages an “eroticism of fairness,” in which there’s a turn on from both genders sharing roles that are traditionally relegated to women exclusively. Scientific proof that partners who want to share cooking and cleaning duties are sexier in the bedroom? Say no more.

10. Focus on Quality Rather Than Quantity

There isn’t really one golden rule, but a recent study suggested that more sex doesn’t mean better sex and that the happiest couples have sex only once a week. So if you’re anxious about you and your partner not screwing like rabbits, there’s proof that the more energy you put into making regular weekly sex *better* will pay off in the long run.

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Medical advise on sex after a miscarriage

You are likely to feel that your body is ready for sex resumption, but this may not necessarily mean that you are ready to Resume sex. See details below.

Everything changed when you saw the two pink lines show up on that pregnancy test – but here you are in the confusing space after a miscarriage with a thousand thoughts swirling around your brain: check this.     Install Our App from HERE

How soon can I try again? 

What if this happens again? 

And, let’s be honest: What does this mean for my sex life?


First, know that whatever you’re feeling is completely okay. “Women can have such different reactions to a miscarriage,” says Dr Catherine Monk, professor of medical psychology at Columbia University Medical Center. “I hope that women and their partners understand that the range of feelings are normal.”

Sex after miscarriage is a complicated topic – and what’s “normal” when it comes to feeling physically and mentally ready for sex again can vary widely. Still, there are a few general guidelines that may help make this difficult time in your life a little less confusing.

You may Want to Read the Story from an aborted Child

Your body isn’t ready for sex immediately after miscarriage.

The big concern is that your cervix should be closed to prevent any potential infections, says Dr Zev Williams, chief of the division of reproductive endocrinology and infertility and associate professor of obstetrics and gynaecology. He notes that, after a miscarriage, your cervix opens up (a.k.a. dilates) to let the fetal tissue out. And depending on how many weeks along you were when you miscarried, the closing process can take anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months.

Your gynae can check your cervix via a physical exam, so be sure to get the go-ahead from her before having sex again.

The one exception here: If you had what’s known as a “chemical pregnancy” – meaning you got a positive pregnancy test but an ultrasound didn’t confirm it, something that can account for as many as 75% of miscarriages – you don’t have to wait to have sex.

Read more: Common causes miscarriages

Many women find that their libido takes even longer to bounce back.

Just because you’re physically ready to have sex post-miscarriage doesn’t mean you’re ready emotionally. You may be struggling with a sense that your body has failed you somehow – or feel like you’re to blame for your miscarriage (likely not true, by the way, as most first trimester miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities, according to the American Pregnancy Association).

“It can be tough to turn on your intimate side when you’re dealing with these feelings,” says Dr Monk.

You have to give yourself room and self-compassion to mourn in the way that’s right for you, she adds.

If your experience makes you want to avoid sex for right now, that’s okay. If you’re counting down the days until the doc gives you the go-ahead to get busy again, that’s fine, too. Or, you may feel both: Wanting to try sex again, but also being totally freaked out by it.

There’s no shame in seeking help from a qualified therapist, particularly one who has experience with women and this type of loss. They can help you work through your feelings on the topic and give you tips for communicating with your partner.

After all, they’re likely mourning in their own way, too (and may not feel ready to have sex again themselves). Openly talking about it may help you both set expectations for intimacy and what each of you are comfortable with.

Read more: 3 women describe what it’s actually like to have a miscarriage

What do I need to know about getting pregnant again?

You’ve probably heard the oft-given guideline to wait three or six months after a miscarriage, but there’s little data to back that up. “Research comparing waiting three months or trying sooner [shows that] women who waited longer ended up taking longer to get pregnant,” says Dr Williams.

That doesn’t mean you should necessarily try right away, though. “After a loss, you want to make sure your body returns back to its pre-pregnancy state,” he says.

In addition to verifying that your cervix has closed, you’ll want confirm (via a blood test) that your levels of hCG, or the “pregnancy hormone”, are back to baseline. This ensures you don’t confuse a potential new pregnancy with your old one.

One caveat: If you’ve had multiple losses, you’ll want to consider getting an evaluation from a reproductive endocrinologist to identify if there’s an underlying problem – many of which can be dealt with effectively via treatment.

Regardless of your exact circumstances – and how you’ve reacted so far – “miscarriage is a mourning process, and we all cope differently,” says Dr Monk. “There’s no right or wrong way to do it.”

Five sex positions after pregnancy

They say everything changes when you have a baby—and that definitely includes your sex life. “What worked for you before having a baby might be very different after giving birth,” says Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, a clinical professor of obstetrics, gynaecology and reproductive sciences at the Yale University School of Medicine. Why? Your anatomy has changed.

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“For a woman who has an uncomplicated vaginal delivery, it usually takes about six weeks to heal,” says Dr. Leah Millheiser, director of the Female Sexual Medicine Program at Stanford University. “That means, when a woman starts to have sex again, obviously it’s been a while. It can be a little tighter and narrower down there.” On the flip side, some women experience just the opposite after giving birth: a loosening of the pelvic floor. “There is stretching of the tissue down there, but typically that goes back to normal,” Millheiser says.

On top of that, many breastfeeding moms experience problems with dryness—the number-one bedroom issue Minkin hears about after a woman gives birth. Breastfeeding causes a decrease in oestrogen, which obviously affects the vagina, she says. So even if you didn’t use it before, you’ll probably need to introduce lube to your sex life after giving birth.

What do all these changes mean? Your go-to position might not get the job done anymore. “Once you’ve been cleared by your doctor to engage in penetrative intercourse, you can begin to experiment with positions,” says Dr. Kat Van Kirk, a licensed marriage and sex therapist and author of the Married Sex Solution: A Realistic Guide to Saving Your Sex Life. “What matters is that you’re comfortable so you can focus on pleasure.”

“In general, women do really well on top during the postpartum months because they can control the speed and the depth of penetration,” says Millheiser. “A woman has to try out the position that she enjoys to find out what’s best for her.”

The experts stress that every woman is different—there’s no holy grail of post-birth sex moves. But to get your sex life revved up again, they recommend starting out with these five positions.

READ MORE: The 5 Best Sex Positions For When You’re Feeling Stressed

Reverse Cow Girl

To try penetration for the first time post-birth, start on top. “If you’re comfortable straddling away from your partner on your knees, Reverse Cow Girl can be a great way to have clitoral access while you control depth and rhythm,” says Van Kirk.

READ MORE: 5 Sex Positions You Should Finish With For An Orgasmic Grand Finale

Frisky Flip

If you’re not comfortable on top, try flipping over and lying flat on your stomach. “This low energy rear entry position allows you to relax into penetration without your partner being able to go too deep,” says Van Kirk.

READ MORE: 5 Sex Positions Perfect For When You Want To Get Rough

Spooning

Post-baby, slow and steady wins the race. “Going side-by-side can help control your partner from going too deep or too hard,” says Van Kirk.

READ MORE: The 4 Most Dangerous Sex Positions For His Penis

 

“Lazy Sex”

If spooning feels good but you want to shake it up, try what Van Kirk calls “lazy sex.” “Lay in an ‘L’ shape with your partner with you on your back and he on his side,” she says. “This allows for minimal exertion while also giving you both access to your clitoris.”

READ MORE: 10 Wild, Crazy Sex Positions You Need To Try

Lip Service

Speaking of your clitoris… “Cunnilingus (a.k.a. oral sex) is always a good option,” says Van Kirk. “Whether you are laying back or leaning on the headboard, you don’t have to worry about penetration.”

5 Sex Positions You Should Finish With For An Orgasmic Grand Finale

Time to change up your end game.

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You’ve probably nailed down one or two positions that work best for you to reach your peak during sex. And while having an orgasm is usually better than not having one (duh), how you finish can also make a big difference.

Read More about: Building Bulk Muscle Girls Want in One Week.

Climaxing in the same position every time you have sex is like having ice cream every time you want dessert. Will you like it? Sure, but you’re depriving yourself of so many other tasty treats. Why settle? We asked Dr Kat Van Kirk, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist, to come up with some newer, sweeter ways to top off an already scrumptious sesh.

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Miss New Booty

Why it’s hot: Van Kirk says this one can actually be more comfortable for your finish than doggy style since you equally share the weight of this position. You can use your arms to control some of the movement, or you can let him take control as you hold yourself up.

How to do it: Place your hands on the floor and have him pull your waist so your legs are on either side of his hips.

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Get Low

Why it’s hot: This reverse missionary angle is great for your O because it allows for more stimulation of the pubic mound and entire clitoral area, says Van Kirk.

How to do it: Lie on your back, and have him straddle you while facing your feet (sort of like 69). Then, lift your legs to wrap them around his back. Raise your hips so he can enter you. Next, grab his butt to help him slide back and forth. Ta-da!

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The Snuggy

Why it’s hot: When you’re looking for maximum pleasure with minimal effort, this is the position to try. It’s got the hotness of doggy with him entering behind you, and you can easily touch your clit while he’s going at it. Many women are surprised by how quickly they finish in this position, says Van Kirk.

How to do it: Bend at the waist as he stands behind you and enters you from the rear.

5-sex-positions-you-should-finish-with-for-a-grand-finale-ss4

Missionary

Why it’s hot: Watching him take over in this position can be super hot. He’s doing most of the work, you get a great view of his bod, and you can also up the fun by having him wear a vibrating penis ring to stimulate your clit. Once you’ve had your finale, it’s also a great position for eye contact and kissing, post-O.

How to do it: Lie on your back. Have him get on top and enter you.

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Love Gun

Why it’s hot: You’re on top, so you’re in charge of your own finale. With you in control, you can guide the movements, speed and depth, and he’s hands-free to stimulate your hot spots. Plus, he’ll get a full frontal view of when you finish.

How to do it: Have him lie on his back while you lie on top and straddle him. Lean forward slightly so that your hands are on either side of his head.

This is the basic lap dance move that every woman should know. Plus: “I had sex every day for 30 days – here’s exactly what went down…”

All you need to know about orgasms

The orgasm is widely regarded as the peak of sexual excitement. It is a powerful feeling of physical pleasure and sensation, which includes a discharge of accumulated erotic tension.

Overall though, not a great deal is known about the orgasm, and over the past century, theories about the orgasm and its nature have shifted dramatically. For instance, healthcare experts have only relatively recently come round to the idea of the female orgasm, with many doctors as recently as the 1970s claiming that it was normal for women not to experience them.

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In this article, we will explain what an orgasm is in men and women, why it happens, and explain some common misconceptions.

Fast facts on orgasms

  • Medical professionals and mental health professionals define orgasms differently.
  • Orgasms have multiple potential health benefits due to the hormones and other chemicals that are released by the body during an orgasm.
  • Orgasms do not only occur during sexual stimulation.
  • People of all genders can experience orgasm disorders.
  • An estimated 1 in 3 men have experienced premature ejaculation.

 

What is an orgasm?

Orgasms can be defined in different ways using different criteria. Medical professionals have used physiological changes to the body as a basis for a definition, whereas psychologists and mental health professionals have used emotional and cognitive changes. A single, overarching explanation of the orgasm does not currently exist.

Influential research

Couple sharing an orgasm

Alfred Kinsey’s Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953) sought to build “an objectively determined body of fact and sex,” through the use of in-depth interviews, challenging currently held views about sex.

The spirit of this work was taken forward by William H. Masters and Virginia Johnson in their work, Human Sexual Response (1986) – a real-time observational study of the physiological effects of various sexual acts. This research led to the establishment of sexology as a scientific discipline and is still an important part of today’s theories on orgasms.


Orgasm models

Sex researchers have defined orgasms within staged models of sexual response. Although the orgasm process can differ greatly between individuals, several basic physiological changes have been identified that tend to occur in the majority of incidences.

The following models are patterns that have been found to occur in all forms of sexual response and are not limited solely to penile-vaginal intercourse.

Master and Johnson’s Four-Phase Model:

  1. excitement
  2. plateau
  3. orgasm
  4. resolution

Kaplan’s Three-Stage Model:

Kaplan’s model differs from most other sexual response models as it includes desire – most models tend to avoid including non-genital changes. It is also important to note that not all sexual activity is preceded by desire.

  1. desire
  2. excitement
  3. orgasm

Potential health benefits of orgasm

Nurse holding prostate model

The male orgasm may protect against prostate cancer.

A cohort study published in 1997 suggested that the risk of mortality was considerably lower in men with a high frequency of orgasm than men with a low frequency of orgasm.

This is counter to the view in many cultures worldwide that the pleasure of the orgasm is “secured at the cost of vigor and wellbeing.”

There is some evidence that frequent ejaculation might reduce the risk of prostate cancer. A team of researchers found that the risk for prostate cancer was 20 percent lower in men who ejaculated at least 21 times a month compared with men who ejaculated just 4 to 7 times a month.

Several hormones that are released during orgasm have been identified, such as oxytocin and DHEA; some studies suggest that these hormones could have protective qualities against cancers and heart disease. Oxytocin and other endorphins released during male and female orgasm have also been found to work as relaxants.

Types

Unsurprisingly, given that experts are yet to come to a consensus regarding the definition of an orgasm, there are multiple different forms of categorization for orgasms.

The psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud distinguished female orgasms as clitoral in the young and immature, and vaginal in those with a healthy sexual response. In contrast, the sex researcher Betty Dodson has defined at least nine different forms of orgasm, biased toward genital stimulation, based on her research. Here is a selection of them:

  • Combination or blended orgasms: a variety of different orgasmic experiences blended together.
  • Multiple orgasms: a series of orgasms over a short period rather than a singular one.
  • Pressure orgasms: orgasms that arise from the indirect stimulation of applied pressure. A form of self-stimulation that is more common in children.
  • Relaxation orgasms: orgasm deriving from deep relaxation during sexual stimulation.
  • Tension orgasms: a common form of orgasm, from direct stimulation often when the body and muscles are tense.

There are other forms of orgasm that Freud and Dodson largely discount, but many others have described them. For instance:

  • Fantasy orgasms: orgasms resulting from mental stimulation alone.
  • G-spot orgasms: orgasms resulting from the stimulation of an erotic zone during penetrative intercourse, feeling markedly different to orgasms from other kinds of stimulation.


The female orgasm

The following description of the physiological process of female orgasm in the genitals will use the Masters and Johnson four-phase model.

Excitement

When a woman is stimulated physically or psychologically, the blood vessels within her genitals dilate. Increased blood supply causes the vulva to swell, and fluid to pass through the vaginal walls, making the vulva swollen and wet. Internally, the top of the vagina expands.

Heart rate and breathing quicken and blood pressure increases. Blood vessel dilation can lead to the woman appearing flushed, particularly on the neck and chest.

Plateau

As blood flow to the introitus – the lower area of the vagina – reaches its limit, it becomes firm. Breasts can increase in size by as much as 25 percent and increased blood flow to the areola – the area surrounding the nipple – causes the nipples to appear less erect. The clitoris pulls back against the pubic bone, seemingly disappearing.

Orgasm

The genital muscles, including the uterus and introitus, experience rhythmic contractions around 0.8 seconds apart. The female orgasm typically lasts longer than the male at an average of around 13-51 seconds.

Unlike men, most women do not have a refractory (recovery) period and so can have further orgasms if they are stimulated again.

Resolution

The body gradually returns to its former state, with swelling reduction and the slowing of pulse and breathing.

The male orgasm

The following description of the physiological process of male orgasm in the genitals uses the Masters and Johnson four-phase model.

Excitement

When a man is stimulated physically or psychologically, he gets an erection. Blood flows into the corpora – the spongy tissue running the length of the penis – causing the penis to grow in size and become rigid. The testicles are drawn up toward the body as the scrotum tightens.

Plateau

As the blood vessels in and around the penis fill with blood, the glans and testicles increase in size. In addition, thigh and buttock muscles tense, blood pressure rises, the pulse quickens, and the rate of breathing increases.

Orgasm

Semen – a mixture of sperm (5 percent) and fluid (95 percent) – is forced into the urethra by a series of contractions in the pelvic floor muscles, prostate gland, seminal vesicles, and the vas deferens.

Contractions in the pelvic floor muscles and prostate gland also cause the semen to be forced out of the penis in a process called ejaculation. The average male orgasm lasts for 10-30 seconds.

Resolution

The man now enters a temporary recovery phase where further orgasms are not possible. This is known as the refractory period, and its length varies from person to person. It can last from a few minutes to a few days, and this period generally grows longer as the man ages.

During this phase, the man’s penis and testicles return to their original size. The rate of breathing will be heavy and fast, and the pulse will be fast.

Causes

It is commonly held that orgasms are a sexual experience, typically experienced as part of a sexual response cycle. They often occur following the continual stimulation of erogenous zones, such as the genitals, anus, nipples, and perineum.

Physiologically, orgasms occur following two basic responses to continual stimulation:

  • Vasocongestion: the process whereby body tissues fill up with blood, swelling in size as a result.
  • Myotonia: the process whereby muscles tense, including both voluntary flexing and involuntary contracting.

There have been other reports of people experiencing orgasmic sensations at the onset of epileptic medicine, and foot amputees feeling orgasms in the space where their foot once was. People paralyzed from the waist down have also been able to have orgasms, suggesting that it is the central nervous system rather than the genitals that is key to experiencing orgasms.

Disorders

A number of disorders are associated with orgasms; they can lead to distress, frustration, and feelings of shame, both for the person experiencing the symptoms and their partner(s).

Although orgasms are considered to be the same in all genders, healthcare professionals tend to describe orgasm disorders in gendered terms.

Female orgasmic disorders

Female orgasmic disorders center around the absence or significant delay of orgasm following sufficient stimulation.

The absence of having orgasms is also referred to as anorgasmia. This term can be divided into primary anorgasmia, when a woman has never experienced an orgasm, and secondary anorgasmia, when a woman who previously experienced orgasms no longer can. The condition can be limited to certain situations or can generally occur.

Female orgasmic disorder can occur as the result of physical causes such as gynecological issues or the use of certain medications, or psychological causes such as anxiety or depression.

Male orgasmic disorders

Also referred to as inhibited male orgasm, male orgasmic disorder involves a persistent and recurrent delay or absence of orgasm following sufficient stimulation.


Male orgasmic disorder can be a lifelong condition or one that is acquired after a period of regular sexual functioning. The condition can be limited to certain situations or can generally occur. It can occur as the result of other physical conditions such as heart disease, psychological causes such as anxiety, or through the use of certain medications such as antidepressants.

Premature ejaculation

Ejaculation in men is closely associated with an orgasm. Premature ejaculation is a common sexual complaint, whereby a man ejaculates (and typically orgasms) within 1 minute of penetration, including the moment of penetration itself.

Premature ejaculation is likely to be caused by a combination of psychological factors such as guilt or anxiety, and biological factors such as hormone levels or nerve damage.

Common misconceptions

Young happy couple

A happy relationship is based on more than just the orgasm.

The high importance that society places on sex, combined with our incomplete knowledge of the orgasm, has led to a number of common misconceptions.

Sexual culture has placed the orgasm on a pedestal, often prizing it as the one and only goal for sexual encounters.

However, orgasms are not as simple and as common as many people would suggest.

It is estimated that around 10-15 percent of women have never had an orgasm. In men, as many as 1 in 3 reports having experienced premature ejaculation at some point in their lives.

Research has shown that orgasms are also not widely considered to be the most important aspect of sexual experience. One study reported that many women find their most satisfying sexual experiences involve a feeling of being connected to someone else, rather than basing their satisfaction solely on orgasm.

Another misconception is that penile-vaginal stimulation is the main way for both men and women to achieve an orgasm. While this may be true for many men and some women, many more women experience orgasms following the stimulation of the clitoris.

A comprehensive analysis of 33 studies over 80 years found that during vaginal intercourse just 25 percent of women consistently experience an orgasm, about half of women sometimes have an orgasm, 20 percent seldom or ever have orgasms, and about 5 percent never have orgasms.

In fact, orgasms do not necessarily have to involve the genitals at all, nor do they have to be associated with sexual desires, as evidenced by examples of exercise-induced orgasm.

The journey to an orgasm is a very individual experience that has no singular, all-encompassing definition. In many cases, experts recommend avoiding comparison to other people or pre-existing concepts of what an orgasm should be.

 

How does sex affects our brains?

Sex! Sex! Sex! Having sex can flavor our nights, and days, with sweet pleasure and excitement, relieving stress and worry. And, of course, sex has been key to ensuring that the human race lives on. In this article, we ask, “How does sex impact what happens in the brain?”

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Sexual intercourse is known to impact the way in which the rest of our body functions.

Recent studies have shown that it can have an effect on how much we eat, and how well the heart functions.

As we have reported on Medical News Today, sex has been cited as an effective method of burning calories, with scientists noting that appetite is reduced in the aftermath.

Also, a study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior in 2016 found that women who have satisfying sex later in life might be better protected against the risk of high blood pressure.

Many of the effects of sex on the body are actually tied to the way in which this pastime influences brain activity and the release of hormones in the central nervous system.

Here, we explain what happens in the brain when we are sexually stimulated, and we look at how this activity can lead to changes in mood, metabolism, and the perception of pain.

Brain activity and sexual stimulation

For both men and women, sexual stimulation and satisfaction have been demonstrated to increase the activity of brain networks related to pain and emotional states, as well as to the reward system.

This led some researchers to liken sex to other stimulants from which we expect an instant “high,” such as drugs and alcohol.

The brain and penile stimulation

A 2005 study by researchers at the University Medical Center Groningen in the Netherlands used positron emission tomography scans to monitor the cerebral blood flow of male participants while their genitals were being stimulated by their female partners.

The scans demonstrated that stimulating the erect penis increased blood flow in the posterior insula and the secondary somatosensory cortex in the right hemisphere of the brain, while decreasing it in the right amygdala.

The insula is a part of the brain that has been tied to processing emotions, as well as to sensations of pain and warmth. Similarly, the secondary somatosensory cortex is thought to play an important role in encoding sensations of pain.

As for the amygdala, it is known to be involved in the regulation of emotions, and dysregulations of its activity have been tied to the development of anxiety disorders.

An older study from the same university — which focused on brain regions that were activated at the time of ejaculation — found that there was an increase in blood flow to the cerebellum, which also plays a key role in the processing of emotions.

The researchers liken the activation of the cerebellum during ejaculation to the pleasure rush caused by other activities that stimulate the brain’s reward system.

"Our results correspond with reports of cerebellar activation during heroin rush, sexual arousal, listening to pleasurable music, and monetary reward."

The brain and the female orgasm

In a study of the female orgasm that was conducted last year, scientists from Rutgers University in Newark, NJ, monitored the brain activity of 10 female participants as they achieved the peak of their pleasure — either by self-stimulation or by being stimulated by their partners.

The regions that were “significantly activated” during orgasm, the team found, included part of the prefrontal cortex, the orbitofrontal cortex, the insula, the cingulate gyrus, and the cerebellum.

These brain regions are variously involved in the processing of emotions and sensations of pain, as well as in the regulation of some metabolic processes and decision-making.

Another study previously covered on MNT suggested that the rhythmic and pleasurable stimulation associated with orgasm puts the brain in a trance-like state. Study author Adam Safron compares the effect of female orgasms on the brain to that induced by dancing or listening to music.

“Music and dance may be the only things that come close to sexual interaction in their power to entrain neural rhythms and produce sensory absorption and trance,” he writes.

“That is,” he adds, “the reasons we enjoy sexual experiences may overlap heavily with the reasons we enjoy musical experience, both in terms of proximate (i.e. neural entrainment and induction of trance-like states) and ultimate (i.e. mate choice and bonding) levels of causation.”

Sex and hormonal activity

So what does this all mean? In essence, it means that sex can impact our mood — normally for the better, but sometimes for the worse.

couple kissing in bed

Having sex has repeatedly been associated with improved moods and psychological, as well as physiological, relaxation.

The reason behind why we may feel that stressimpacts us less after a session between the sheets is due to a brain region called the hypothalamus.

The hypothalamus dictates the release of a hormone called oxytocin.

Higher levels of oxytocin can make us feel more relaxed, as studies have noted that it can offset the effects of cortisol, the hormone linked with an increased state of stress.

Not only does oxytocin make us calmer, but it also dampens our sense of pain. A study from 2013 found that this hormone could relieve headaches in individuals living with them as a chronic condition.

Another study from 2013 suggested that a different set of hormones that are released during sexual intercourse — called endorphins — can also relieve the pain associated with cluster headaches.

Can sex also make us feel down?

The answer to that, unfortunately, is “yes.” While s3x is generally hailed as a great natural remedy for the blues, a small segment of the population actually report an instant down rather than an instant high after engaging in this activity.

This condition is known as “postcoital dysphoria,” and its causes remain largely unknown. One study conducted in 2010 interviewed 222 female university students to better understand its effects.

Of these participants, 32.9 percent said that they had experienced negative moods after sex.

The team noted that a lifelong prevalence of this condition could be down to past traumatic events. In most cases, however, its causes remained unclear and a biological predisposition could not be eliminated.

“This draws attention to the unique nature of [postcoital dysphoria], where the melancholy is limited only to the period following sexual intercourse and the individual cannot explain why the dysphoria occurs,” the authors write.

Sex may lead to better sleep

Studies have shown that sexual intercourse can also improve sleep. After an orgasm, the body also releases higher levels of a hormone called prolactin, which is known to play a key role in sleep.

Researchers from Central Queensland University in Australia also hypothesized that the release of oxytocin during sex may act as a sedative, leading to a better night’s sleep.

In the case of men, ejaculation has been found to reduce activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is a brain region known to benefit particularly from a good night’s sleep.

In sleep, the prefrontal cortex exhibits the slowest brainwave activity compared with other brain regions, which supports the proper execution of cognitive functions during the daytime.

Researchers say that sex may lead to better cognitive functioning in older age, protecting people from memory loss and other cognitive impairments. Studies have shown that “older men who are sexually active […] have increased levels of general cognitive function.”

For women, being sexually active later in life appears to sustain memory recall, specifically. These effects may be due to the action of hormones such as testosterone and oxytocin, which are influenced by intercourse.

So, next time you’re about to slip between the sheets with that special someone, just know that this moment of passion will spark a whole neural firework show, releasing a special hormonal cocktail that will, at its best, charge a whole set of biological batteries.

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